27/09/25
I had to leave sixth-form, but I didn't care, I didn't think much of sixth-form and I managed to get an a-level and a b-tec out of it, which meant something to me at the very least. Some would say it was pointless, some would say it meant nothing, I didn't care anymore. I was still riding off the buzz of my revenge, but I had to tone myself down, I had to leave quietly. I don't think anyone missed me, I'm not bothered if they did anyway, it made no difference to me, if they missed me or if they didn't miss me. I had to be myself, for once, I had to do what I wanted to do—not what others wanted me to do.
Two months later, I found myself in college: On the cusp of turning seventeen and I wanted something I knew I couldn't have. There were more girls in college then they were in sixth-form, actually, they were more people altogether, there were so many different people with different styles, not just chavs, but emo's, Goths, nerds, gamers, weaboos and all other sorts of sub-cultures and shit like that, even the girls were different, not in a bad way, but just different, you know like unique and all that. I felt lost in my first day, I mean it wasn't like the religious comprehensive I'd come from before, it was something better.
I didn't even know which class I was in at the time because I didn't think to check, although I knew which course I was doing, the first day felt more like an introduction then it did an actual lesson, I was in a small group of lads, of course it was an IT course, so there were few women, if any at all—still, we got to know each other, they all seemed reasonable, none of them really appealed to me, it was like looking at a mirror of my old friends, which I didn't like, because I didn't want to be reminded of them, or what they liked or what they didn't like.
I was a hard-nut to crack, naturally defensive, stuck-in-my-ways, deeply-emotional but secured and guarded against other people, I had to be for my own safety, nothing really phased me, but what did surprise me was my "new friend group"; I didn't know any of the other lads from anywhere else, I felt like I could be myself. I felt like, because I didn't know them, I didn't need to pretend to be better than them. They all shared the same interests as me, music, film, gaming & so on. We just clicked, really, from day one, but I knew deep down I had to keep the cover, it was my survivalist instincts kicking in once again. I couldn't allow people to think that I was weak, under no circumstances, could I allow someone to take advantage.
Even though I'd only just begun....
I started to have designs on some blonde I'd only just spotted.
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