22/09/25
I had just finished my GCSES, a time where most students would be happy with themselves and admittedly, I was happy with how I had done. I was not a genius; I was not thick either. The days and weeks leading up to results day were equal parts spent in idle isolation and equal parts wondering through areas I had no right to wonder through in the first place. I killed time, knocking about in areas, as a young white-lad, I had no right in hanging about in. This passed the time, as much as it could anyway. I did not feel good about it either way, it was just another day, another pointless exercise in futility. We got by in those days through games, which was the common practice, back then anyway. Some of the lads even met with some of the local lasses, they seemed to make an impression on them—an impression I would not yet make—but then again, if you could make an impression on them—you could make an impression on virtually anyone.
I went to one of these parks, once, with my mate Blake and we met up with Liam, but, Liam was a different man—those extended six-weeks holiday had done wonders to his ego; then again, most of these lads had changed irreversibly between the last-exam and the first day of sixth-form, maybe they had cottoned on to the idea that now they were equally surrounded by not just other lads, but lasses as well, that they had to act the part. My first humiliation was at Prom, when I originally went with Blake, but we were supposed to go together, that was until we got to the dance floor, and you start to see peoples true motivations—and what they really want anyway. Blake, Liam, the whole lot, they all seemed to fall in place and managed to make the most out of prom, tickets were only 20 quid, I had to go, what else would I do, I thought I was going with friends, at least thats what I thought, but when I got there, although I was apart of the group, I still somehow felt alone. I felt isolated from the very people I had grown up with, the very people I had grown to trust outside my already dysfunctional family, who hated me any way.
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