03/09/25
I liked to Hurt people - anyone really - If I didn't like them I would hurt them.
I would hurt them in ways most people couldn't, but secretly wish they could. I don't know why I liked to hurt people, I could list a million reasons, none of them would come even a micro-meter close to properly examining or even explaining my Modus Operandi. I couldn't physically hurt them, although in the past I have done so [only when it was necessary of course] of course it's illegal and a straight sentence if caught, everyone knows that - but psychologically - anyone was fair game - and I really do mean everyone.
I didn't purposely go on a psychological rampage hurting anyone I could get my hands of course, I wasn't a maniac, I did have my standards.
It was only when I was pissed off - and I had to be really, really pissed off.
It started when I was in school, and I went to a rough All-Boys secondary in Bradford, West Yorkshire.
I was nerdy and poor. My clothes were almost always second-hand. The Uniform I wore for those five, hellish years had only been replaced once, or twice, at best - and this was down to my growth spurts - if anything else. Thing is, kids are cruel, we all know it deep down and although I had a group of friends in-between Year 6 & Year 7, by the time I got to Year 8 almost all of my friends had disappeared. I drifted in between groups, never truly finding my footing in any group and then eventually, by the age of sixteen---I had given up entirely. Just the thought of someone wanting to be my friend, or wanting to have anything to do with me was puke-inducing and I had become, even at such a young age skeptical and cautious of the extended human-race. Every so often, teachers would link me with a student, someone popular, in the vain effort of trying to make me more sociable and get me out of my shell, but it didn't work and eventually they gave up. I didn't blame them, because if I was them, I would probably do the same as well, it seemed so odd to me that they would care so much. School was hell, and I don't reckon I learned a great deal from going, if I was supposed to be better off going then the system was clearly broken. In any case, I went and got the most bog standard GCSE'S you could get.
I suppose even If I tried to make friends, and believe me I did, it wouldn't serve too much of a purpose, because people seemed uncomfortable around me, like I didn't exist. I had one friend called Liam, we grew up together, we went to the same Primary school and lived only two streets away from each other—and we got along—for the most part. Through Liam, I met Blake, Jack, Shaun [The Anglicized variant]——All decent lads. The only problem is we didn't share classrooms, or sets, as they used to call them. I wasn't thick, but I wasn't smart either. I just so happened to fall in the middle of everything, never hitting the mark yet never missing it either.
Due to My Aspergers, I had to be placed in the lower sets, so that they could have a support teacher available for me, it felt akin to public humiliation——and I never forgot how that decision lay the course for my future bullying. All of this, of course was down to the fact that I was placed in a set full of future criminals & dossers.
My Mum didn't understand why I hated School...
It was at school where I learned how to hurt people, I learned how to hurt people because I was hurt myself, but I wasn't a bully——or at least I didn't think I was. I was picked on by a lot of kids, so I learned to pick on others. It's not the best example, but it works:
There was one kid, called Aaron, that thought I was gay, because I liked to read [Yes, you definitely read that right] and he would call me all sorts of what we would now refer to as 'slurs'. Of course, I tried my best to ignore it, but everybody has a breaking point.
Another student, who, had known me in Primary School, used to make threats to assault my mum; conversely, he also taunted me [along with the other kids] that my mum was 'peng' and 'fit as fuck'.
Then there was the allegations, and for some reason I was always made out to be the most evil man to walk the planet since Adolf Hitler or Mao; and of course, none of these were true, but still they persisted.
That's when I learned to hurt people....
I had to show people that I wasn't weak, I worked it out that if people hurt me, then it isn't such a huge crime to hurt them, balancing out the scales so to speak. Since the school wouldn't do anything about my bullying, I thought I would enforce my own diktat on everyone else——whether they liked it or not.
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